Some magic items I guess

Here's some magic items. They mostly suck.

Sword of Mercy

This sword is incapable of harming anything. If it is swung at something, it passes through like it didn't exist. It can still be held, and when placed on a surface it will rest normally.. If the sword cuts through a wound or break in a material, it will heal that wound.

Dagger of Demons

When this dagger is plunged into it's holder's flesh and the resulting blood is used to draw at least one circle, the wielder may summon a demon. The wielder spends any amount of hitpoints while performing this ritual, and summons a demon with HD equal to the hitpoints spent. The demon appears in the first circle drawn, and does whatever it wants. It doesn't obey the holder of the dagger, it just acts on it's own. If the wielder wishes, they can draw additional circles, into which the demon cannot enter. Each additional circle drawn requires an expenditure of hitpoints equal to the amount spent to summon the demon times the number of normal sized humans the circle can reasonably hold. For example, summoning a HD=2 demon and making a circle capable of holding 4 people and a circle capable of holding 1 person would require 12 HP.

Sword of Crossroads

If this sword is balanced on it's tip at a crossroads then allowed to fall, it will always fall such that the tip is pointing towards the path the user wishes to go. This works even if the user only has a vague idea of the destination or is simply looking for something and don't know it's location.

Fluorite Octet

This set of 8d8 appear to 8e made of a light 8lue crystal. When rolled, they produce an effect determined by a roll of 4d8 on each ta8le 8elow. The GM will interpret the results, but feel free to ask for suggestions. Can only be rolled 8 times per day, any rolls after that deal 1d8 damage to the roller per roll.

Table One

4. Critical
5. Shard
6. Electric
7. Godly
8. Holistic
9. Terrifying
10. Terri8le
11. Elastic
12. Plastic
13. 8ovine
14. Crystal
15. Caustic
16. Gr8
17. Disastrous
18. Lucky
19. Pneumatic
20. Extra
21. Ridiculous
22. Eldritch
23. Explosive
24. Magical
25. Infernal
26. Eternal
27. Teenage
28. Infrared
29. Cinematic
30. 8ooming
31. Mirrored
32. Apocalyptic

Table Two
4. Whale
5. Fraud
6. Clown
7. H8red
8. Hat
9. Destruction
10. Cre8ion
11. Weasel
12. Redemption
13. Recr8ion
14. 8last
15. 8all
16. Hammer
17. Sword
18. Spider
19. Vision
20. Light
21. Venom
22. Darkness
23. Thief
24. Magic
25. 8ard
25. Demon
26. 8asilisk
27. Laser
28. Dragon
29. 8reath
30. 88
31. Mutant Ninja Turtles
32. Apocalypse

Deck of Duels

A card drawn from this deck and placed on the accompanying bracer-mounted card holder will cause an effect to occur. Frig I'm not coming up with 40 different card effects just for a meme never mind.

Uhh... Oh I got one.

Suit of Checkers

This checkered suit grants defense as plate, but only if you are skanking. If you are skanking it is extremely difficult to do anything else, but you can kick people for like, 1d4 damage or something without interrupting your dance.