So I ran a game of Dragon Half RPG. For those unsavvy few who don't already know (what?), Dragon Half RPG is a game made in 1991 by Group SNE, makers of Sword World, based on the gag fantasy manga Dragon Half.
The world of Dragon Half is one of kings and castles, swords and hovercars (or "hoovers"), pop stars and princesses ~ and of course, dragons. It's also a game where you choose a skill in which your character thinks themselves a master, despite being actually calamitously awful. I'll try and describe how it went. I'm using the first scenario from the "Scenario Collection 1" for the system.
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| "That's life." - Dick Saucer |
Dramatis Personae (seriously, what's this tone)
Four young childhood friends, living in a single room in the small village of Miko.
*Balicat*
A fisherman. Or fisher-tiger? It's questionable if he's actually a weretiger or just a particularly clever big cat, as no-one's seen him as a man.
Weretiger
Skills: Fighter 5, Singer 1 (Penalty), Fisherman 1, Thief 2
*Noriko-chan*
A fisherwoman, although she seems to mostly collect algae and seaweed and the like. I wonder if there's a term for that.
Human
Skills: Rune-Master 6, Mystic 1 (Penalty), Fisherman 1, Thief 2
*Geeko*
The biggest fan of the dragon-slaying idol Dick Saucer. At least, the biggest fan in town. Hopes to become hired as his backup dancer.
Lizard-person
Skills: Fighter 4, Rune-Master 1 (Penalty), Sneaker 1, Dancer 2
*Princess Hoshiko*
Despite appearances, she's a bona fide princess of a faraway land. Some sort of mishap lead to her slumming it in a room with the rest of the crew. Longs to be the next top idol.
Half dark-elf, half human
Skills: Fighter 1, Rune-Master 4, Bard 3, Princess 1 (Penalty)
> These are the characters my players came up with. I think they're fun! Those (Penalty) markers are the calamitously bad skills I mentioned before. The actual character creation process took around two hours. Oof!
The Game
The four of you have spent most your lives wasting away in the tiny Miko Village. Nothing ever happens here. Until today. Today that gray, boring fate has been ripped in twain and fed to the dogs of Hades, for fliers have been seen all around town ~ the legendary dragon slayer / pop star Dick Saucer will be performing in just under a week. The man posting the fliers, luckily enough, also happens to be selling tickets - Front row seats for 1000 Gamel, good seats for 500 Gamel, and nosebleed seats for 300 Gamel.
Geeko, not one to miss an opportunity of a lifetime, immediately pays almost all his life savings for front row seats. No one else can afford them. While considering what to buy, the ticket seller indicates to the stronger members of the group ~ that is, not the incredibly feeble Noriko-chan ~ "Well if you don't have enough money, we'll need some help building the venue." Princess Hoshiko is unburdened by such concerns, however, declaring that he should send a missive to her kingdom ~ they will pay for everything (Princess + Intelligence roll: Fiasco). Of course, this will take a few days, but certainly it will be resolved by the time of the concert. In the meantime, Noriko and Balicat resolve themselves to earn some funds to purchase seats by their friends.
> Every "success roll" in Dragon Half RPG is 2d6+skill+Ability Score Bonus. So Princess Hoshiko here rolled 2d6+Princess Level+Intelligence Bonus. Only the intelligence bonus and the level don't actually matter in this case because it's a penalty skill! With penalty skills, you only succeed if you would roll double-6s (which is always an auto-success anyways). Otherwise you get a Fiasco and something wacky bad happens. Importantly, the player gets the first chance to declare what bad thing happens with the Fiasco. As the first Fiasco of the game, I maybe didn't encourage something quite dramatic enough ~ really the free ticket just failed to happen ~ but I think it worked out fine.
The next day, Balicat and Noriko-chan go out to catch fish, or whatever weird slimy green stuff Noriko-chan gathers. Balicat gets a couple good catches with his mighty claws, but only really enough to feed the group for the day. (Fisherman + Dexterity roll: Failure). Noriko-chan, on the other hand, hooks something big... she struggles with the line, then yanks up a heaping clump of river algae! (Fisherman + Dexterity roll: Fiasco) Only she may have yanked too hard, because it flies off the hook and hits a bucket another fisher was setting down... which rolls down a hill, and hits a bigger bucket, which topples over and rolls, and rolls, and hits a rather massive bucket full of paint thinner that a local ferryman was using to un-deface his boat of some graffiti! Suddenly, a stream of acrid paint thinner is streaming into the river, ruining the days catch and splashing all over Balicat. Noriko-chan absconds.
Luckily for Balicat, an unflattering full-body haircut is all that's needed for treatment. He yowls.
> The other way Fiascos happen is by rolling under your "Silly level" which at this point is 2. This is the only time that happened in the oneshot, which honestly seems fair. This also is more representative of what Fiascos are supposed to be I think, and set the standard going forward.
With their usual jobs not helping with money, and no-one getting back to Princess Hoshiko about that ticket money (some peon back at the castle must have made some ridiculous blunder), everyone decides to join the construction crew when they get into town. They get paid quite good wages for it, and can all afford the same front-row tickets as Geeko. Finally, the day of the concert arrives.
A covered wagon pulls up to the newly-constructed concert hall. Emblazoned on the side: "Dick Saucer Concert 'Let's Take Down the Red Dragon Show!'" A circus ringleader-like figure and an enormous circus strongman-like figure sit driving the wagon. The ringleader stands up and announces to the gathering crowd. "Ladies and gentlemen! Thank you for gathering here today! Right here and now, the singing warrior artist Dick Saucer has arrived!"
The four friends crane their necks from the back of the crowd, but only get a glimpse of Dick Saucer's blonde hair as he peeks out from the wagon.
Finally, hours before the concert, Balikat, Noriko-chan, and Princess Hoshiko go to buy their tickets. Sadly, the only tickets left are the cheap, nosebleed seats. Geeko doesn't seem to spare a second thought to his abandoned friends as he moves up to the front rows.
As the concert starts, Geeko thinks to himself (Dancer + Intelligence roll: Failure) how amazing Dick Saucer is, and that he deserves to be up there dancing with him. Some day...
As the concert starts, Princess Hoshiko thinks to herself (Bard + Intelligence roll: Success)... this is bad. Like, not good singing. She could *easily* do better. There's no way that Dick Saucer would put on a show like this. What's going on?
As the concert starts, Balicat thinks to himself (Singer + Intelligence roll: Fiasco)... this is bad. Why did he think Dick Saucer was a good singer? He could easily do better. In fact, he can prove it right now!
> In fact, Balicat was going to start singing before I had him make a roll. The roll just gave him additional justification.
Princess Hoshiko's line of thought is interrupted as she feels bodies fall on top of her. A small wave of people dive-stampede away from the roaring Balicat, suddenly aware of the fact that he *could* eat any one of them if he wanted. She feels her arm snap as she hits the floor bad. Noriko-chan, falls next to her. The front row seats don't notice yet, the music and cheers of the crowd are too loud. Until...
> I think I did damage wrong this first time. It's a potentially like 5 step process with multiple table lookups so like... I don't blame myself.
The door explodes. The stage grows silent, and the crowd turns down to a murmur. In marches a commanding young woman wearing a cape and a tiara, followed by an unreasonable number of soldiers. "Stop this concert immediately!"
The crowd murmurs louder, and with more anger. Someone shouts, "We paid good money for this!" Someone else shouts. "Who do you think you are!?" Suddenly two handmaidens appear from behind the woman, reciting teasingly, "This is Lady Vina, the princess of Siva, and the most brilliant and beautiful princess around, the president of the Dick Saucer Fan Club, and an exceptional dark magician! Ohhohohoh!"
Many members of the crowd were clearly not listening, instead choosing to pick up some trash and throw it at Lady Vina. She decides to summon a few stone golems and begins lighting the venue on fire with her dark magic as her soldiers storm in to start apprehending everyone present. The friends, not sure what's happening, notice that the cast and crew seem to be sneaking off backstage and decide to escape that way.
Balicat uses his tiger physique to clamber over the heads of the increasingly panicked crowd onto the stage, but is blocked from reaching the dressing room door by the strongman-esque fellow. Geeko simply climbs on stage, having bought front row seats. Princess Hoshiko, with her broken arm, attempts to cast a spell to let her fly! But it fails. Noriko-chan picks up her "Dick Saucer #1" sign and enchants it with a spell to make it never miss ~ and she successfully throws it directly into Lady Vina! But embedding a wooden sign halfway into her side seems to only make her angrier.
> Spells in Dragon Half RPG are handled like any other Success Roll, and can miss and fumble just the same.
Balicat scratches at the sideshow chap, but it bounces off his surprisingly rubbery skin. Geeko casts a spell himself to ~ alright I'll be honest I wasn't clear what the goal was then and I'm even less clear 12 hours later ~ grant his joints hyper-flexibility for some reason. I think it was to help slip past the strongman, which I would have allowed. It might just have been to roll a Penalty skill. Anyways ~ (Rune-Master + Intelligence roll: Fiasco) Geeko quickly finds every bone in his body fused together and falls flat on the stage, rigid as a statue. Princess Hoshiko casts the flying spell again ~ but succeeds this time. She grabs Noriko-chan and drags her above the crowd to the stage.
But halfway through, Lady Vina sees the person who wedged a sign in her abdomen and looses a blast of flame directly at Noriko-chan, knocking her unconscious to the stage.
At this point, the cast and crew begin driving their wagon off out of town, and the friends gather their incapacitated members up and begin hoofing it to the woods. As they rest in the wilderness, they see the fire in the center of town begin to die down.
> I didn't tell my players but Lady Vina doesn't have hard stats. She just does what she wants. The module I'm running encourages you to not let her die no matter what, lest you let down the author and three million Vina fans ~ a reference to that manga we've all read. Also her magic always works and deals almost-lethal damage, unless a character is impertinent enough to warrant it dealing immediately lethal damage.
Finally, after a couple hours, they head back down to town. Someone informs them that apparently the "Dick Saucer" from the concert was a fake, and that Lady Vina is holed up in the Mayor's house until somehow the investigation is resolved.
The friends discuss for a bit. Maybe that Lady Vina could get Princess Hoshiko a connection in showbiz. Maybe that Lady Vina could get Geeko a number-two spot in the Dick Saucer Fan Club. Maybe that guy that set up the fake Dick Saucer shows could get Princess Hoshiko some concerts, actually. In any case, it seems that this ragged mockery of a destiny now leads... uh... Princess Hoshiko places her magic wand (it's a mace with a star shaped flange) on the ground and lets it fall, casting Dowsing to determine which way to go.
This ragged mockery of a destiny now leads to Meon Village!
> Traveling would have been a great time to get in some Fiasco rolls but like, I could tell it was going to be a long session already, so I just said they made it to the next village fine.
Meon Village, the big city. Over 1,500 citizens. Balicat starts the search by stalking the outskirts of the town ~ no luck. Geeko begins asking around within town if anyone's seen Dick Saucer. They determine that the posters advertising teh show have been put up, and some tickets have been sold, but no-one claims to have seen the pop idol himself and the concert venue isn't under construction yet.
After casting another Dowsing, they head to the slums south of town, late at night. Apparently they crooks are hiding somewhere around here. At a cursory search, there's nothing like the wagon, or any of the members around. Princess Hoshiko, however, plays an impromptu concert for the residents, and asks those who gather if a strange blond man has appeared recently ~ and he has. The friends are directed to a small shack, and when Balicat pushes the door open, inside is the wagon. Balicat goes further, searching the floor of the shack to find a trapdoor under the wagon, leading to a underground hallway ending in a locked door with two strings, red and blue.
The sign on the door says to pull the blue string if you're customers, and the red string if you're thieves. After Geeko suggests pulling the red string ~ as clearly thieves would trust other thieves ~ Balicat picks the lock on the door with his big tiger paws, surprising the people on the other side.
> Up until this point, most of the rolls were for non-combat things. That was fun! It works well. And it's not that the combat system is *not* fun, it's just that when you have to resolve a lot of attacks, it gets kinda tedious. Maybe it gets better with practice? I did notice that a little bit, but it was still flipping between three different pages and asking people for two rolls and an ability score.
There's little in this room but a few (mostly occupied) beds and a box in the corner. It being an ungodly hour of the night, most good fraudsters are asleep. Of the criminals, the ticket-seller, the construction foreman, and the false Dick Saucer are all awakened by the shout of the strongman and begin getting out of bed. Meanwhile, the circus ringleader sees the friends and dives underneath the covers of his cot.
Balicat immediately uses his Level 5 Combat Feat ~ whose name I don't remember ~ on the strongman. The strongman simply steps out of the way, and Balicat tumbles to the side. Geeko also starts using Combat Feats on the strongman. Princess Hoshiko hits him with her ~mace~ magic want, and Noriko-chan casts a spell to bind him in magic ropes.
> Combat Feats are special moves that deal more damage. You get one per Fighter skill level ~ the higher level, the more damage. However, if a Combat Feat misses its target, you can't hit that target with that level feat or lower ever again. As Balicat immediately missed with his highest level Combat Feat, we see that he took a risk that did not pay off. Which is fun!
Bound in magic ropes, the strongman turns slightly giant octopus-like and attempts to break free. He does not succeed, however, so he just gets bigger, rounder, and purpler for no reason.
Balicat and Geeko keep trying to harm the strongman. Princess Hoshiko asks the ringleader, quivering under his sheet, if he can help set her up with a show. He whimpers and insists, oh, Ladies and Gentlemen, it was all Talhe's idea (that being the ticket seller ~ currently reaching for the strange box he used to store the ticket money). At that, Noriko-chan tries to tackle Talhe and fails (No relevant skill roll: Failure).
> If you don't have a relevant skill you just roll 2d6. So Noriko-chan was rolling 2d6 vs Talhe's 2d6+ Thief 3 + Agility 1. She had *some* chance.
Bound in magic ropes, the strongman turns fully into a giant octopus and attempts to break free. He does not succeed, however, so he just gets big, round, and purple for no reason. Talhe, on the other hand, picks up his money box, turns a strange black circle on it towards Noriko-chan, and lets loose a sound blast that knocks her unconscious against a wall.
> Ok these last few turns are not fully accurate but I think they get the gist.
Princess Hoshiko realizes that that's scary, and casts a spell on Talhe to shrink him to 1/5th size (successfully). Balicat pounces over and picks him up with his maw. Princess Hoshiko asks, "Wait how long does this last," and everyone is amused when the answer is as long as you (the caster) like.
The giant octopus strongman ~ at some point in the fight revealed to be named "Octop" ~ surrenders, being rather wounded and his employer quite definitely captured. The rest of the crew plead their own guilt, but claim to have been lead into this mess by Talhe.
Balicat ~ noticing the large box in the room is a safe ~ attempts to pick it. Luckily he stops when he notices it's rigged to perform a sonic blast. They shake Talhe and find a key ~ which Princess Hoshiko casts a second spell on to quintuple the size of ~ and turn it in the keyhole. Then Balicat gets blasted across the room, as evidently they tried to open the safe incorrectly. The friends decided to leave while they could still walk.
> The players didn't actually get their town's money back because of this. I think that's a fine outcome to be quite honest. They could have tried some way of interrogating the crew or something, but it was again getting quite late.
Dragging Octop and Talhe ~ the rest followed easily enough ~ back to Miko, the friends found the Mayor's house still occupied by Lady Vina. With the prisoners now directly outside the mansion, soldiers of the princess valiently apprehended the criminals. As the players had not negotiated, asked for, or even spoken about a reward with anyone, they came out of the endeavor about as well off as they entered. Meanwhile Lady Vina left while her handmaidens sang an ode to her success.
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