so someone requested d50 unexpected things to find in a corpses pocket for secret santicor(e|n) and i didnt get that prompt but i felt like doing it anyways. heres a d666 table
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| it might not actually be a d666 table whoops |
you find this list printed out
THE FULL LIST:
111: this list printed out
112: a folded up sheet of paper with an eye insignia over the words "we know"
113: a friendly talking rat
114: a flip phone but the background is a discretely taken photograph of you
115: the gun that shot abraham lincoln (or so it claims) it is absolutely mortified by the actions that its previous users have taken
116: sunglasses that make you see everyone as lizard people
121: a demo tape for the best song youve ever heard by a band no one knows
122: the yu-gi-oh card zone eater
123: about $500 of obvious counterfeit bills in a variety of currencies
124: a marble contianing the sealed divinity of the god of marbles which promises great boons if you can return it to its owner
125: a ring that summons a wish-granting spirit that already granted the corpse all three of its wishes and is very annoyed at you bothering them
126: two tickets to paradise (one ticket has a hole punch in it)
131: a small box wtih a button when you push the button it plays a sample of the line "guard this with your life dude" from a goofy movie
132: a receipt for an expensive necklace with a doodle of a really cool frog on the back of the reciept
133: a wooden model of a really cool frog
134: a really cool frog
135: a single very large molar
136: a note reading "GUR SNPG GUNG ONGZNA FBZRGVZRF UNF N PERRQ NTNVAFG THAF NAQ XVYYVAT QBRF ABG VAINYVQNGR BE YRFFRA FGBEVRF HFVAT N IREFVBA BS GUR PUNENPGRE GUNG HFRF THAF BE YRGUNY SBEPR V PNAG ORYVRIR GUVF VF N CBVAG BS PBAGRAGVBA"
141: a perfectly accurate 1:130 scale model of a ford model t
142: a very broken raw egg
143: a handful of pennies minted in heaven
144: perhaps the most uncool frog possible
145: a booklet on folded a6 paper containing an essay explaining why han solo should always have shot second but it keeps referring to han solo as captain kirk
146: a speak and spell with the form factor of a slider phone
151: a "to kill" list with several names crossed off and your name up next
152: a folded up sheet of paper with a question mark insignia over the words "we dunno"
153: a korg miku stomp
154: a virtual pet device where the virtual pet is demon prince thar the gambler but its the actual thar the gambler he lost a gamble and is trapped in the device
155: a note reading "YRNIR GUR XRL VA GUR GUVEQ OBK QBJA BS GUR EVTUGZBFG PNOVARG"
156: sheet music for a single movement of the worst string quartet youve ever heard
161: a tiny but otherwise excruciatingly boring human
162: a tiny really b*dass but also slightly squished and very dead human
163: an image that has gone through heavy jpeg compression being printed on the worst printer and a bit of water damage but seems to be the text "when [something indecipherable] bottom text" over an image of kronk sneaking around from the beginning of the emperors new groove
164: a gba cartridge containing a very high quality demake of assassins creed syndicate
165: a casio vl-1
166: a pocket bible but all the pages have been replaced with video game cheat codes
211: a bar of really bad smelling soap
212: a big mac
213: an official letter disowning the corpse from the most pompous family in the land
214: a harmonica that sounds like a trumpet
215: a love letter from one of your parents
216: a fortune cookie paper that says "ultimate mastering comes not from the body but from the mind" and the lucky numbers on the back are todays date
221: a list of scribbled down unfinished rhymes like "once we start we never STOP/the" and "bang a drum LETS RAISE SOME NOISE/who it is ITS THE BEA"
222: the actual original letter b
223: unbottled maple syrup
224: the business card of a secret magic guitar store located in the sewers
225: a flask full of gatorade
226: a flask full of potion of not dying for the next 30 seconds
231: a flask full of genie that blows a r*spberry and calls you a bitch before vanishing in a puff of smoke if you open it
232: a fortune cookie paper that says "kick with your fists and punch with your feet" and the lucky numbers on the back are tomorrows date
233: a big mic from a knockoff mcdonalds
234: a poppet thats got the same injuries as the corpse
235: a poppet that always has the same injuries as you when you look at it
236: a pocketwatch that wont open because its just a single solid piece of metal around some clockwork
241: a game boy advance with a cartridge containing a heavily compressed seven samurai on game boy video
242: a poorly handled magic 30th anniversary black lotus
243: a solid pyrite coin
244: a cyst
245: a small box wtih a button when you push the button it plays a sample of wario saying "oh my god" from mario party
246: the grandfather clock from an antique dollhouse
251: the yu-gi-oh card little d
252: a hot dog with $50 hidden inside
253: a statuette of amethyst from steven universe carved from grossular
254: a folded up ebenezer scrooge looking nightcap
255: a skyline chili 3-way in a plastic bag
256: a folded up floppy disk containing prince of persia for dos
261: a tiny otamatone
262: a candy bar with your name on the wrapper
263: a perfect sphere
264: an indestructible antimagic tactical wallet
265: a pen audio recorder containing 7 hours of someone going BLUBLUBLUBLUBLUBLUBLUBLUBLUH
266: a tactical flashlight that makes things darker
311: a rolled up original print of amazing fantasy #15 but all the interior pages are covered in playboy magazine articles
312: a lead miniature of an ape wearing a cowboy hat and brandishing a revolver
313: a wrapped bar of very old chocolate
314: a pokeball containing a level 100 magikarp that only knows splash
315: a joker from a deck of cards but the art is of a king
316: a wand that turns into a bunch of flowers when you wave it but doesnt turn back
321: a single slice of pepperoni
322: a fake thumb
323: some blue goo
324: several steel needles
325: a pitch black roll of sufferin sad boi flavored hubba bubba bubble tape
326: a supreme sticker but instead of supreme it says mediocre
331: a marble containing a tiny model of a house
332: a jellyfish
333: a joint full of oregano
334: an engagement ring in a case
335: a handful of stickers for the band voluntary hazing
336: a tiny robot toy with a real ai inside but there arent any motors just a camera and speakers
341: the corpse but in miniature
342: a travel size bottle of "tabasco hot sus"
343: a button that makes an 808 cowbell sound when you press it
344: an unwrapped croquette coated in tonkatsu sauce
345: a printed list of "d666 unexpected things to find in a corpses pocket" but every entry is your name
346: a small bag of rice labeled "vampire distractor 8000"
351: a fake tongue you can wear over your real tongue
352: a demo recording of limp bizkets cover of behind blue eyes on tape
353: a copy of half life: alyx for the nintendo virtual boy
354: 1/4 of an otherwise pristine authentic black lotus
355: a note reading "GUVF VF FREVBHF QBAG HFR GUR QEBCBSS GB GEL GB CENAX CRBCYR VS V QRPBQR BAR ZBER ZRFFNTR JVGU GUR ANIL FRNY PBCLCNFGN VZ CHGGVAT BHG N XVYY BEQRE JVGU LBHE ANZR"
356: a flier advertising courses on how to fake your own death
361: a portable emulation machine containing only roms of doom on just about every console you could think of including the magnavox odyssey
362: a ball of teal energy that claims to be the soul of a humble tailor that was ripped from its body by an evil witch
363: a paper with the corpses stats and abilities from when it was alive
364: 1d6 perfectly generic objects like in the hit web serial homestuck except like pocket sized
365: 2d4 build grist like in the hit web serial homestuck but since theyre gaming abstractions they dont actually fit in the pocket you just interact with the corpse and 2d4 build grist are added to your cache
366: an uninflated balloon with your face printed on it
411: a d6 that is numbered like a normal die when inspected but comes up 7 whenever you roll it
412: a d6 where every side is a 7 when inspected but gives results like a normal die whenever you roll it
413: an embroidered patch that says "hell satan" and "bbb" around a star of david
414: a kazoo that sounds like a harmonica
415: a printed out hulk hogan tweet where the text says "me and all my friends at the 10pm ninga turtle movie brother hh" and the picture is hulk hogan in an empty theater
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