So I've had this idea in my head for ages, like the Weezer one. I feel like it's more explicable, but maybe I'm just as unhinged as ever.
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| and they were roommates |
Day 4
Hey again. Sorry for all the letters, but I can't stay sane otherwise. It's day 10 of this hell. 10 days of putting up with this gravel-brained douche. It would be easier if he wasn't constantly in the apartment. Would it kill the pasty bastard to get some sun? Maybe it would. I hope it would. I, on the other hand, have to get up at an ungodly hour and leave for my stupid job at the stupid plant store. Me! At a plant store! Oh sorry, they want me to call it a "nursery".
I did finally get him a little. So he's sitting there in the goddamn living room again, watching his goddamn bird documentaries. Like a fucking weirdo. I go up and ask him what he's watching. No response from him, he probably learned from yesterday. So I go, "Ah don't be embarrassed, I already knew about your weird fetish."
And that's what does it! He says in that super serious voice he does, "It's for work." What a loser!
-Nahiri
Day 5
Hello once more, my friend. It's the fifth day of sharing a residence with Nahiri. There was a time when her sustained companionship would have been enjoyable. A time when such an arrangement as this would be freely entered into, with no thoughts of when it may end. But now I yearn for the moment when she absconds from this apartment. I plot for it - scheme like the cowardly fool I am. But I know she intends to drive me out without force, so that she does not lose her deposit - and I cannot bring myself to allow her another victory.
I have sent the lease agreement to a lawmage that Jace Beleren put me in contact with. They will look for loopholes while I subtly undermine Nahiri's comfort. In the meantime I will remain within the apartment. It's a shame, I hear there are places in this City of Angels with the most vivid nights, but it's safer if I remain here, protected by the deposit. That's the only reason, to be clear.
-Sorin Markov
Day 6
I get back from an absolutely infuriating day at work, and find out that idiot threw out the milk. Does he think this is gonna get me to leave? Literal spilled milk. Be real, Sorin. Still, this gives me an idea... <-Lol, so dramatic.
-Nahiri
Day 9
This is one of the ten worst betrayals to ever occur. After a couple family members, some angels, and Nahiri two or three other times, I've finally been betrayed by my most trusted ally - the Panda Express Peking Pork. But I can forgive this delicious, saucy box of meat. No, the real mastermind behind this attack is clear. She must have gotten to the delivery as it waited on the step and adulterated it with some shavings of silver ore - small enough that I didn't even notice them. I vomited blood for almost an hour. It is thankful that she underestimated my powers of sangromancy, as I was easily able to remove the blood to a more proper location. As for my retribution, I have plans already in progress. Plans even you wouldn't be able to forsee.
-Sorin Markov
Day 20
Well the doordash plan worked once, but he's switched to accepting the meals himself. I think I'm going back to an earlier strategy. You know he's got that weird thing with wings, right? I'm gonna stop focusing on hurting him, and start trying to make him uncomfortable. BTW, do you know any angel Planeswalkers that you could ask for favors?
-Nahiri
Day 33
For the past couple weeks Nahiri has been taking every opportunity to inform me of birdwatching groups. While I wouldn't be averse to trying such a thing, I still cannot leave the apartment safely. The lawmage that I sent our lease agreement to has been quite frustrating. Not only has he informed me that he knows nothing of the California legal system, he also requires a sizable payment even for that much-delayed disappointment. I can pay it of course, but it is absolutely ridiculous. The plans I've alluded to in the past are soon coming to fruition, at least.
-Sorin Markov
Day 53
Sorin's doing something fucky. I got this voters pamphlet for the California gubernatorial election, and I just noticed one of the candidates is clearly an angel. I don't know if you're aware, but I'm pretty sure that there aren't any angels on this plane, like, at all. Pretty suspicious. I mean her platform looks pretty good! I like her plan to lower housing costs. But I definitely don't trust her.
-Nahiri
Day 80
This battle of wits is exhilarating. Mate in 10, Nahiri! Ah, but my friend you do not know what has occurred, of course. You see, I have been playing the long game. I have created an angel, a perfect ruler. She will rule over this California fairly and justly, and be beloved by all. But, in exchange for this service, I ask one simple, small ask. The smallest push, the lightest tap of the political machine. A minuscule shift that will cascade down the chain of law until it reaches the very document that started this. A plan which benefits all. Well, except for Nahiri.
-Sorin Markov.
Day 84
Well I'm not sure what that angel's deal was. She lost the primary elections. Pretty badly too, she got less votes than some guy who calls himself "Jesus MichaelJackson Nixon", which I've gathered is embarrassing to the people of this plane.
But now that that's over, I can focus on harassing Sorin. Do you remember any good stories about him? I was thinking about trying to recreate that time he was practicing lithomancy and accidentally dumped mud all over that blademaster. Do you remember that? He kept trying to get out of the situation with more lithomancy, even though he verifiably sucked at it. I guess he's always been an idiot.
-Nahiri
Day 103
Dahlia lost the election. There apparently will not be a recount, even though I know that Nahiri must have meddled somehow. I'm not sure what she does when she goes out. I know she could easily create stone masterpieces that could ingratiate her with high society - and from there she probably spread toxic rumors about Dahlia.
Ah. Dahlia is the name of my angel. I believe I was too hot-headed to introduce her properly last time.
-Sorin Markov
Day 141
Sorin's spent this last month super depressed. It's kinda made it hard to make fun of him. Not cuz I feel bad, just because he's not really reacting to anything. But honestly that wasn't too bad, if the rest of the lease was like that I wouldn't find it so bad. But then today he just kinda exploded, accusing me of trying to kill his daughter again? I didn't even know he had a daughter.
-Nahiri
Day 148
I may have overreacted to Dahlia's loss in the election. For that matter, the plan itself may have been unfair.
Dahlia has dropped out of politics. Her career was short, but I approve of the decision. The people of this state are not ready for her. She has gotten a job somewhere in the city, but hasn't told me where. I suppose this is fair. I could find her blood easily, but I will refrain out of respect.
Nahiri has been quiet this last week. I don't know why.
-Sorin Markov
Day 177
Sorin's almost been looking happy recently. When he came out of his coffin I asked if he's a plumage man or a cloaca man and I think he might have laughed a little! Seriously I don't know what's going on. The man is infuriating.
I ran into someone a couple weeks ago, that angel that was running for governor. Her name is Dahlia, and apparently whatever Sorin's plan with her was failed. Which doesn't explain why he's so happy now, but whatever. Anyways apparently Sorin taught her a bit of lithomancy and she wanted to use it to start a pottery shop. Course, her lithomancy is a little rubbish - I mean she's good for a beginner! But I ended up getting talked into joining her. And honestly, I'm starting to realize that not everyone sucks. Shocking, I know.
I'm still trying to figure out how to get Sorin out for good. I'm not letting that bastard off the hook!
-Nahiri
Day 180
I've been seeing things more clearly lately. I can't forgive Nahiri for what she's done, of course. But the rift between us was not caused by her alone. Our feud would not have cascaded as it did if I had taken accountability. I apologize to you, my friend, for the pain we have surely caused you all this time.
Me and her, our fates are intertwined. I no longer seek to remove her from our apartment - in fact, I believe this may be the best arrangement we could have dreamed of.
-Sorin Markov
Day 365
Hey, it's been a while! So we just renewed the lease. I still think this whole thing is stupid, but I dunno, I guess it's been working. My job's been going good, I started teaching some classes on Fridays. It's just super basic stuff - forget about lithomancy, no one in this city knows shit about any kind of magic. But it's nice, I'd forgotten what it's like to teach someone like that. Sorin's been going to a birdwatching meet up at some parks and stuff on Saturdays. He seems to be enjoying himself. He still barely leaves the apartment during the week though. And every Sunday we still go out into the desert and try to kill each other.
-Nahiri
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