So I made a thing for a thing, but now I'm posting that thing so other people can access it!
It starts with CLICK HERE FOR THE PDF.
But also here's the slightly less cool looking version, in blogpost form.
IDENTITY THIEVES
can copy someone perfectly - except for their voice. It takes them a week to apply a new form, but once they do their stats and abilities are identical to the person they’ve copied.
ENERGIZERS
are constantly moving rabbits (Move and Dexterity stats 6 greater than standard, all other stats are low) that can provide (small amounts of) endless electric energy. Very valuable.
SOMETIMES
a dude just does a no comply over your head and you just have to deal with the fact that you'll never be as cool as them.
BABY BOTTLE POPS
have a lollipop cap which, if dipped into the powder reservoir and licked, turns you into a child for 1 minute. Your equipment changes to fit. Usage Die 1d10.
AIRHEADS
can be chewed to obtain the ability to fly for 1 minute, at 10 times your normal movement speed. Steering in tight places requires a check.
A SHAMWOW
is a small orange towel. Absorbs 10 cubic feet of fluid/day.
ROBOTIC BABIES
- but not cute ones. 4 HD, Armor as Unarmored-2. Can levitate one object at a time (creatures save/make a Wisdom check to avoid). Can shoot lightning once per turn (ranged attack, deals 1d10 damage). Only wants to protect it's PlayStation 3 (very valuable but has no games) but will react first with levitating people away, then with violence if provoked. Make their lairs in caves or abandoned basements.
A MAN
wanders the country. The party will hear him before they see him, as he shouts from the horizon, “CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?” once per combat round. They can hear him clearly. If they approach, he keeps yelling just as loudly. If they get close (within 100 feet), they begin taking 1 point of psychic damage every time he yells, unless they have hearing protection or are deaf. He carries nothing besides normal clothes and a cell phone, which he is yelling into. He will not react to the players unless they take his cell phone. If they do, he will continue yelling (now directed at them and dealing 1d4 damage each round). The cell phone allows the user to initiate a two-way conversation with anyone from anywhere for up to one hour, once a month.
BILLY MAYS
is a powerful mage who (while he knows a handful of others) has perfected one spell: Clean. He can clean nearly anything: washing dirt off the physical plane, thoughts off the psychic plane, or concepts from the higher abstract. He is looking for an apprentice and will react very negatively to rudeness, but otherwise has become apathetic towards the world and weary of his power.
He is a level 9 wizard with 6 Magic Dice. He has the cantrip, "Remove filth and grime in a 5 foot cube by blinking". Spend and roll 1 MD to remove a specific thought or memory, 3 MD to remove a describable aspect from something (each returning on a 1-3 as usual).
CAVEMEN
are just some dudes that are very sassy about the stereotypes. You know which stereotypes.
CAPRI SUNS
can be disrespected. Damaging the pouch deals 1d20 damage to anything nearby, as well as the person who detonates it.
COPYCATS
are like Identity Thieves, only they suck at their jobs. They go for too high-profile targets and take too many creative liberties. Drink Diet Dr. Pepper religiously. Stat as who or whatever they're copying... But with one fewer level/hit die. They also lack an important ability or two of the original.
IF YOU SHOUT
"IT'S MY MONEY AND I NEED IT NOW" out of your window you can make a deal with the Powerful and Terrible Demon of Wentworth to settle all your mortal debts, but the true cost is often too high to bear. Roll 1d6 for cost:
1. Firstborn child - Free space!
2. Non-dominant arm (If you only have one arm, you lose that arm)
3. You must assassinate a public figure
4. You owe The Demon a week. You can pay him back by ceasing to exist for 1d20 hours at a time, once per day. If you don’t pay this back in a month, you die.
5. You must assassinate a specific public figure of The Demon’s choice
6. Die in 7 days
THE SIX FLAGS BUS
pulls up and plays We Like To Party by Vengaboys on loop (make sure to actually play the song so long as the bus is there and operational). Contains 1d4 “old men” who dance and ask people to follow them to the wondrous land of Six Flags. If they are refused, they may get frustrated and attempt to force their targets onto the bus using their dance-based martial arts. (each “old man” fights as a level 3 Unarmed Martial Arts class of your choice). No one returns from Six Flags.
THE KING
cannot die. Many have tried. He shows up across history, watching, and occasionally providing just enough aid to tip the scales one way or another. Also he too can do no complies over your head and again, you just have to deal with it. The King has no stats. He can easily perform any task possible for a classless human (except speak). Weapons find him more impenetrable than stone. If he is trapped, he will escape eventually (leaving no trace of how). If he encounters the party he may silently offer them a burger. Let them know that such a figure has appeared across history granting power, but his offerings always come with a price. Whoever eats the burger gains the power to steal the most iconic ability of any creature by eating at least a quarter pound of its meat. If they accept the burger charge them $5 to $6. If you feel more serious, instead have the King appear later and psychically communicate with the eater of the burger a (possibly morally dubious, certainly difficult) quest. If they fail or refuse the quest, they lose the power of the burger, all abilities gained by it, and 1 point of Constitution (and HP if Constitution isn’t tied to HP) for each ability lost. This will not lower Constitution nor HP below 1.
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